Is Subway Junk Food?

Did you know that tuna has omegas, and avacado is full of healthy fats? Fats do not turn into fat in your body, so you are giving yourself BRAIN FOOD!
Did you know that tuna has omegas, and avacado is full of healthy fats? Fats do not turn into fat in your body, so you are giving yourself BRAIN FOOD!

When you have been eating healthy for a long time it is a trip how gross you feel when you eat even a little bit naughty, brace yourselves, because to some of you, this won’t sound naughty in the least, to others… you’ll feel the way I do. Yesterday I was on my way to work with my cousin and my aunt, and they wanted lunch, they went to Subway, and I decided since I do not usually go there I could check it out, after all, they do have salads! And “Jared” lost all that weight, right! (I suspect he lost more weight because he wasn’t Supersizing anymore and walked to Subway.) I ordered a tuna salad. That was my second bad chioce, my first was going to Subway (at least I did not get a sandwhich, bread can be SUCH a temptation) I love tuna, but not the kind that has been drowned in mayo and is tasteless! I felt like I was eating mayo! I added cucumbers, tomatoes, olives, jalapenos, spinach and lettuce. Everything was so bland. The jalapenos her canned which is just gross, I can’t handle them unless they are fresh, the tomatoes were not even eatable, the cucumbers were dry… As I was eating I remembered why I stopped going to Subway in the first place. It’s not quality. It’s crap. I am used to delicious organic, often home grown fruits and veggies! This was such a huge disappointment!!! Part of me was annoyed that it’s so difficult to find decent quick food. That is obnoxious, right?? I mean, I can’t even go to Subway anymore!!! No wonder I am so good at having healthy easy food at home, it’s my only option.

Like I said, some of you will probably not understand why I am disgusted by Subway, I mean it is veggies, at least, right? Wrong. It’s genetically modified, and terrible quality. If I am going to eat, I prefer organic so I know my body is able to use the nutrients. It is a waste of time money and stomach space to eat crap veggies. Yes, it’s better than eating a cheese burger, and maybe I am overly picky, because, don’t get me wrong, I am proud of each and every one of you that chooses subway over Mc Donalds. I am proud because I know you are on the path to cleaner eating. Just be aware of what you are ingesting, the bread is made with high fructose corn syrup (High fructose corn syrup is made with corn, sure but that does not change that it is sugar, and it’s made from genetically modified corn… so it’s not even really corn. It’s basically a filler that is put into almost every processed food you eat. The same goes for soy. Not all soy, and not all corn. That’s where organic buying and eating comes in.)! So those 9 grains they claim are not doing anything good for you because the sugar (toxins) are not going to let your body absorb them. Besides that, bread (carbs) is converted into sugar in your body, and high fructose corn syrup IS sugar and sugar turns into fat. (That is the simplest way to explain it, but there are a lot of details and reasons our bodies do this, the same thing happens with an apple, but it is a different kind of carb, and you do need those healthy sugars because it gives you energy, of course, but not to the extreme that you get when you are eating bread. Forget what you learned on that Food Pyramid growing up!)

Sometimes when I think about these things I get a little discouraged, it is so hard to win, especially when you are just beginning to eat healthy. I’m sure it’s overwhelming when you read that some vegetables are not worth eating, and apples are carbs. Trust me, I know, and I want to encourage you all, when I began my journey to a healthier lifestyle I did not have a definite place I wanted to be. I knew I wanted to be healthier, and I did not know how to go about it. I learned slowly over the past few years, and often rejected things I read because I didn’t like it. For example, I quit eating fast food in 2010, so the only quick option I had was Subway. When I stopped eating fast food I did not go directly to a plant based diet. I just did not eat fast food anymore. When I read how bad processed turkey (at Subway, in particular) is, I continued eating it because I loved the turkey sub! It was not until I stopped eating meat (besides fish) that I embraced all the things I had read about meat, because it finally directly related to me. At this point, did I go organic? No! I still figured that fruits and veggies are good for you regardless… they grew on trees, they came from the earth, they MUST be good for you. I did not eat almost exclusively organic until I started cleansing and actually witnessed the difference in an organic cleanse. I did not want to contaminate my body anymore. I feel too good to mess it up. I messed up a little yesterday… but today is a new day! To be honest, I am still rejecting a lot of the sugar hype. I still feel like eating fruits is good, and I do not pay attention to how much fruit I eat, because it’s organic, I do know that I am probably getting too much, but I’m just not there yet. Who knows, maybe someday I will jump on the “sugar is the devil” bandwagon and write a blog for you all. For now, I think I’m gonna go eat a yummy organic delicious juicy peach.

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Taste testing and scheduling

Today I went to Vons, it’s rare for me, I almost always shop at Trader Joe’s. Today since I was babysitting I thought I would take the kids out for a walk, and I had a list of things I wanted to try, and hoped I could find at Vons. Turns out, Vons does not carry chia seeds, but they do have dates! Trader Joe’s did not have dates, but they do have chia seeds. I already have coconut oil and dried fruit (from Trader Joe’s, of course). So I won’t be making chia seed energy bars tonight, hopefully I will make it to the store tomorrow. I did find kale chips, carrot chips and apple chips. I bought a bag of each. I would suggest making your own because the quantity is just not worth the price. Kale chips tasted kind of like potato chips, the carrot chips were just gross, and I have not tried the apple chips yet. I also bought prunes. I am not a huge fan of prunes, but something you will learn about me, I don’t necessarily ingest foods because I like it, or enjoy it. I look at the benefits and if I don’t hate the taste, I’ll go ahead and eat it. I did not buy them for me though, my daughter was having trouble using the bathroom a few weeks ago, and I thought, maybe this will help to avoid that problem. I don’t know if it was my master manipulation skills, or if the kids actually enjoy prunes, but they loved them! I had to take them away out of concern for their little systems!

I also saw a bottle of acai berry juice. I have never tried it before and was in a taste testing mood. Acai berries are supposed to be high in antioxidants and omega fatty acids. This bottle claimed that one serving is equal to 4 servings of fruits and vegetables. Couldn’t hurt, right? I never bought into the rage of acai a few years back, but I know it is commonly used in weight loss products. I had an 8 ounce glass this afternoon as a pick me up, and it did it’s job, I am ready for my workout. To be fair any healthy snack probably would have done the trick. If I notice any changes this week I will be sure to write about it!

The last few weeks have been really tough. I have been so off. My workout schedule, my cleaning schedule, my eating schedule, and clearly my blogging schedule. I am trying to get back on track. I cannot even explain how crazy I feel inside when I am not successfully executing all of my parenting goals. Yes, the kids are fed, homework is done, we have had some play time, and they are bathed… but when I have not been able to do all of the laundry, and when the floors have not been mopped I feel like I must be slacking off. Even though I know I’m not I’m still just as exhausted at the end of the day as I was when I was doing all of the cleaning and working out 5 days a week. I may have to stop doing something, but I have no idea what I can give up. For now I am shifting responsibilities around and trying not to expect so much of myself. Today I mopped the floors, deep cleaned the bathroom and put away laundry. I made a huge pot of quinoa and added a cup of pureed spinach, and boiled a bunch of eggs. I also took the kids out for a walk, played outside and was babysitting a one year old all day. Today was a success, but it is far from over. I have to cram for my Personal Fitness Trainer exam!!!

The goal is happieness

I love that my tea gives me advice
I love that my tea gives me advice

A few months ago I was a stay at home mom who had an obsession with health food, and went running to curb my anxiety. Today I don’t have a title, but I do have so many jobs! I was thinking yesterday, I did not put all of my eggs in one basket, but I might have too many baskets. It is time to prioritize, and maybe accept that the next few months will be crazy as I follow each of the avenues I have opened. I recently decided to get my certification in Personal Fitness Training with my friend and soon to be Sister In Law. We have been very seriously discussing starting a workout group at the park by our house. We both know so many people who are uncomfortable in gyms, or just simply do not know where to begin with getting fit and healthy. We want to create an environment for women to be comfortable (not during the class… sorry!) and encouraged. We all deserve to be empowered, and beginning with health and fitness, the rest will follow. Personally my passion is healthy food, not so much because I love food, I actually don’t, but because food is where everything really comes together. You can go to the gym for an hour or two a day, but if you binge when you get home, if you are eating processed “food”, if you are not listening to your body, you will not get the results you want. However, if you change your diet, cut out processed foods, be mindful of carbs, avoid sugar, and eat *ORGANIC*  veggies and fruits you WILL see results, you will FEEL results! Pair the two, a plant based diet and exercising, it will make the biggest difference. That said, I am very interested in exercising, and I can’t wait to find out more. Knowledge is POWER! I cannot wait to learn, and more importantly, I cannot wait to teach!

I had a chat with my dad tonight, I was filling him in on my plans to get certified, and unloading (I can’t help but to vent constantly!) all of my insecurities. I know that I am capable, but I am so scared of this class! I have never been a school person and have avoided it. Certifications, however, I am no stranger to. I was a lifeguard for a few years and that required more certifications than I am getting now. I am also older and I have a WHY. Having a “why” when you make a goal is paramount! If you don’t know why you are working your butt off, losing sleep, worrying, studying, learning, and or changing, then what is the point? How do you put your heart into something that has no real reason? When my dad asked me my “why” I said, “Well, money, I guess. I need to make money.”

My dad said, “That is not why you started all of this. Remember when you first started blogging? Why did you start?”

I said, “To be happy.”

I had already lost sight of my WHY! When I started blogging I was having emotional outbursts, struggling to control my temper, my anxiety was through he roof. I was not happy. I was in love, and I loved my kids, but I was not happy. I felt so guilty for not being content with my life, the funny part was that all I needed was an outlet. When I began blogging, not only was I able to unleash my insecurities, fight demons and write as much as I want about my favorite subject: Health! I also, now have validation, you all send me messages, some of you have encouraged me more than you know, the comments are awesome, and I have built friendships with people I never would have otherwise interacted with. I also have gotten to know people that I was Facebook friends with, but we had never really had a relationship. All of these things especially all of you make such a huge difference to me. I really wanted to share with you all today, that I have reconnected with my WHY, and I plan to make the necessary adjustments to flourish!

Happily Ever After… reminiscing <3

On May 10th my friend and I were having a “Disneyland prep sleepover”. We were planning our outfits, makeup, hair, deciding to wake up at 4am, snacking on black bean taquitos and salsa, and having a Castle marathon. I love Disneyland, and was lucky enough to be invited to go with her for the second time that month, free, and my stepmom was coming! Disneyland means tapping into my childhood, it’s an excuse to wear a tutu. I love tutus. My outfit of choice this trip was a silver and black corset with a pink tutu and a Jack Skellington top hat. All of us, actually wore tutus! We had a blast arriving when the park opened and going on every ride we could manage!

Around 5pm my friend and stepmom got weird. All of a sudden they seemed to have an agenda at the exact same time as the parade. Our plans changed several times in only a few minutes, and all of a sudden my friend had had desperate need to go to Snow White’s Wishing Well. We had actually already made our wishes, a Disneyland tradition. Upon arrival, after digging a few quarters out of my purse and handing one to my friend and my stepmom, I turned to make a wish and all of a sudden I hear my boyfriends voice over my shoulder.

“What are you doing here?” I asked after hugging him

James: “Surprise! Please don’t be mad!” (I don’t like surprises, by the way.)

Me: “I’m not… I’m just confused, I thought you were working…”

At this point my friend and stepmom say they are gonna give us some alone time. OK, now I am REALLY confused. James is practically shaking, he must have really thought I was going to be upset, and why the heck had my friends disappeared? We walked toward my favorite part of Disneyland, New Orleans Square, to go on the Haunted Mansion, and all of a sudden he wants to go to the Nightmare Before Christmas store. I was so confused by his behavior and his obvious nervousness , I was just baffled.

Right behind this little shop is a beautiful staircase. It’s one of my favorite somewhat secluded places at Disneyland. We walked out and he asked if we could take a picture on the stairs, and went to ask someone to take the picture for us. We took one picture, and he turned to me and said he needed to ask me a question, pulled a box out of his pocked, and got down on one knee… I was so shocked, when he asked my response was, “Are you serious?”

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It was a fairy tale come true. We were both nervous wrecks afterward! It’s so funny, we just did not know how to act around each other. We went on Haunted Mansion and were still so jittery. We decided it was time to a glass of wine to sooth our nerves. We stayed overnight, and spent the next day at the Happiest Place On Earth for the beginning of our Happily Ever After.

almost a year later in "Our spot"

Parenting and health: Uphill battles

There is no winning… I have been used to the dirty looks for a long time. As a breast feeding mom I had a lot of negativity thrown my way. People were uncomfortable that I publicly breastfed, I had people… family, even tell me that breastfeeding is not healthier than formula. No offense to any formula feeding parents, but that’s bull. Not to say there is anything wrong with formula, it’s fine… it’s just the second best nutrition for a child. I chose, because I was blessed with the ability to breastfeed, not all parents have the option, and it is a huge commitment. As if becoming a parent isn’t enough of a commitment, right? I even had my daughters pediatrician tell me she would have mental issues because she was not getting enough iron. (Upon research I found that the iron in breast milk is easier absorbed than formula, solid food, or iron supplements!) She was never underweight, she is bright as the sun, she was speaking sentences before she was a year old, I never once worried that she was not getting proper nutrition. My daughter just would not eat food. I’m not kidding, all she wanted was boob. I had a child who was potty trained when she was 14 months old, but would gag and throw up if she ate solid food. She did not start eating solids until she was 19 months old, which is when we weaned.

P!nk breastfeeding on the set of a music video
P!nk breastfeeding on the set of a music video

Having survived breastfeeding, I was relieved to think the ridicule regarding my daughters diet was over. Ha! Far from it! When you begin feeding your kids solid food it is a whole different ball game. All of a sudden there are parents who feed their kids gerber, organic, juice, soda, alcohol, hot cheetos (that was me…), you name it, and every other parent has an opinion. So personally I try to stick as close to organic and plant based as possible. After reading ingredients I can’t help but to feel guilt over the food I have given my kids, yes, hot cheetos (chemical crap), crap granola bars (just as unhealthy as candy bars, just not as tasty), top ramen (MSG, salt, chemicals)… I still do give her some of this stuff. Not daily, but occasionally, I try to have easy HEALTHY food available so I don’t offer crap. Sometimes I feel like they need to have some crap so they don’t get obsessed, deprived and start hoarding (living in recovery from an eating disorder and being treated with all kinds of food related disorders and growing up in a cult, I am very aware of the effects of forcing a belief.) I have another approach, I am trying to train their taste buds to love healthy food. I add salad into several meals a week, and even the boy doesn’t complain anymore!!! Snacks are usually carrots, cucumbers, apples, and occasionally crap. For now balance works for me, and I really hope just as they love their fruits and veggies, they will lose interest in the other things. Now that I have explained this and you all understand my thought process with feeding my kids, I have to endure the never ending judgments of parents. The parents who give me looks when I won’t allow my kids to drink soda, (no, not even diet,), or juice (which inevitably is not juice, but liquid sugar and chemicals that tastes like fruit) or milk (my kids do drink almond milk, but we keep dairy out of the house besides occasional organic treats). Or the questions I get when I do allow something obviously unhealthy. Here’s the deal. I am trying. I research food, I read labels, I sneak veggies in, I do a lot. I’ll let you in on a little secret, my 8 and 5 year old’s get hot lunch. Am I happy about it? No, I’m really not, I won’t even let them tell me what they eat at school, however, making lunches everyday is one more thing to add to this endless list I have going, and less food we have to buy. I hope I can get to the point where buying and preparing lunch for the kids is not a pain, for now it really is. Luckily, their schools have salad bars and avoid processed junk.

I am so sick of judgments! What do we know? So what you feed your kids hamburger helper, mac n cheese and T.V. dinners. That’s up to you. So what if I don’t give my kids milk… does that effect you? We all have different parenting styles, just like we all have different faiths. I’m not Christian, do I have faith? YES! Does it clash with your religion? No… well it shouldn’t, but inevitably someone is going to have a problem because they think I’m not going to heaven. OK, sure according to some standards, and my own knowledge of The Bible, no I’m not, but do I judge you for giving your kids liquid crack? (I’m sure the fact that my eminent afterlife in the fiery pits of hell is worse than the fact that you are willingly giving your kids diabetes.) We are all parents, humans for that matter… Let’s make an effort to support each other. I need support. Parenting is hard enough without all of this negativity.

drinking their Isagenix shakes!
drinking their Isagenix shakes!

Food = Fat… I mean FUEL.

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When I was in treatment for my eating disorder it was hammered into my brain that it is healthy to eat 6 times a day. Try telling THAT to an anorexic! I thought these people had lost their minds!!! I had trouble eating at all, and here I am basically being force fed. If we did not eat we were threatened with hospitalization, and being tube fed. If you are hospitalized you cannot work off your food, and you are bored. Nobody wanted that… but at the expense of eating 6 times a day… It was scary. That might sound so silly to you, but for me this was one of the scariest things I would do. In my mind, food = fat. I had spent a very long time restricting and and brainwashing myself that if I did not eat I would be skinny, and finally love myself. I have been on a life long quest to love myself and for years I thought if I was skinny enough I would. It didn’t work. I had been hating myself for so long, no pant size could change that. I put conditions on myself that to this day make me cringe. I am scared that one day my daughter will feel the way I did (and sometimes do.) I’m watching her play right now and thinking that I never want her to be obsessed with body checks. In fact, I never want her to know what body checks are. (For those of you who do not know about body checking, it’s when you see how many fingers you can fit into the waist of your pants or measuring your wrists with your fingers, I used to start with my forefinger and thumb, then my middle finger, my ring finger and my pinkie, then work my way up my arm until my fingers could not touch anymore. I also body checked my legs, fitting my hands around my thighs, and looking in the mirror to make sure my thighs did not touch. I would touch my hips to make sure they stuck out at all times, and anytime I passed a mirror I would sneak a peak to make sure my tummy was flat. Body checking is a way to reinforce your illness. I still catch myself from time to time.)

I did eventually make some sort of “peace” with eating. Eventually I came to a healthy view of food. It is still hard for me to eat, but I look at food as fuel now. I understand that food = energy and, energy burns fat!!! Yes, I still don’t like fat, yes I still want to like the way I look in the mirror, but I have made healthy changes. First of all, I want to be healthy for my kids. That means eating responsibly. I know, it sounds silly, but for me, restricting IS addicting, and without proper fuel I cannot parent. I get cranky and impatient. It is simple to say, not an easy thing to do. If I am having a “fat day” (Fun fact the “f word” is not allowed in our house… not the f*ck word… lol although that is an adult word, that is not used frequently and has been replace with “frog” usually. You should hear me when I am upset “frogging frog!”) I do not want food. I immediately go back to my illness and I am afraid to eat. I have to reason with my eating disorder. It is not easy to reason with an eating disorder. My eating disorder is mean, she tells me how ugly and fat and useless I am. She points out my flaws, my stretch marks, my microscopic, yet sagging boobs, my enormous rib cage that just does not fit with my body, my teeth, my acne, my stomach, my thighs…. She reminds me, she waits until I am feeling just a hint of insecurity and floods my mind with all of my physical flaws, and then starts on my personality, I’m too honest, I lose friends, My temper is too quick, and explosive, I can’t even control it sometimes. I forgive people who have hurt me, even after they won’t admit what they have done… am I that lonely? I attack people verbally for disagreeing with me. I am impatient and insecure. Some days I wonder how to get out of bed with this list of negativity. There is ONE thing that is stronger than that entire list. My kiddos. They are MY reason. The reason I listen to my brain, the brain that tells me that food is fuel not fat, that I need fuel for them, and that beauty resonates from the inside out.

Do I eat 6 times a day? Nope. I do, however, eat. I chose food that is going to benefit me, and, as my fiance pointed out last night, “You don’t eat anything because you love it.” I don’t really, I am not a food person. I could happily live on pills that had the right calories given the opportunity. I try to eat things I like. What do I love? Moments. Time with my kids and my fiance. I can’t have those if I am not getting proper nutrition.

Terrible horrible no good very bad… luck.

I really wish I was perfect. I am sitting here giving myself a hard time about how long it took me to complete everything today… Last night when I planned out my day it didn’t look like this!!! I was going to throw in a load of laundry, workout in the morning, shower and clean up, go get LJ from the bus, clean the kids room and then have time to catch up on these emails and follow ups that seem to grow by the minute!! Then I wanted to blog. PSH! Did not happen like that. Even though yesterday I did all the big cleaning… if you have kids you know, the bathroom will be need to be cleaned again 20 seconds after you leave it. The floor will have to be vacuumed twice a day! And for some reason I had to mop again! Seriously, I just did this YESTERDAY!!! Ah, but this is life. I did not finish my tasks until my fiance got home, and, I was not actually done yet. I was folding the laundry, and had not even turned my laptop on!

I was so overwhelmed! I think part of the reason I feel like such a failure today is because yesterday was my fiance’s birthday. A little Fun Fact about James, he has bad luck. I know, I know, you don’t believe in bad luck… well, if you met him, you would. I really want to list examples, but he reads my blog and might not like that idea. I’ll give you one example though: A few months ago he took a job that had better hours than his last job, but for 90 days he had to take a pay cut. So, we weighed the pros and cons and figured, we could make it 3 months. We would figure it out. It’s been a tough month, at about the same time the kids were out of school for summer, and since his new job is Monday through Friday I could not work during the week. So I ended up getting a pay cut, too. Then the check engine light comes on in the car, and it starts leaking. It’s going to cost $1,000 to fix it. The car payments are $400 (ridiculous, right??? At the time that he bought the car a few years ago, he was making great money, but wouldn’t it be his luck that the owner of the company would go off the deep end and use all the companies money and fail to pay the employees for 5 weeks, then filed for bankruptcy and leave everyone jobless and broke.) and we don’t have an extra $1,000. We thought we would refinance. Of course this company does not do that, and since he asked them, it red flagged his account and the other night the bank towed the car because we were 30 days late on making the payment. Normally they would let you slide a little, but since we asked to refinance, they assumed we were not going to pay and took the car. That was Tuesday. On Wednesday James aunt went to the hospital and we were told it was time to say goodbye, she had officially lost her battle with cancer. Thursday was James’s birthday, and his aunt passed away late that morning.

That’s a lot. He is not OK. He is worried about his family, he is worried about us, he could not even celebrate his birthday (not the first time that has happened, but absolutely the saddest reason). Here I am trying to hold together what I can. I can’t fix our troubles, but that raise is expected hopefully next week, so that will alleviate a lot of stress, (but knowing James’s luck watch the raise be microscopic…) and I feel like the only thing I can do is all of my jobs. I do not know what to say to him, or how to console the kids. When the house is not in order I get anxiety, and I already have that, so I have to focus on keeping everything in it’s place, and following through with my commitments. I broke down today. Completely. I don’t know how to deal with it all, so yesterday I shut down, and today I was just pissy. I feel helpless.