I may have too much on my plate. Over the past few months I made a lot of changes and commitments. I was already keeping extremely busy, but I was not managing my time well. When I am really busy, and have no time for myself, and there are just not enough hours in the day to complete all the tasks I set out to do, I start to act a little crazy. It’s tough with kids, anything that would normally take you 5 minutes somehow takes an hour now! I feel like all day I am standing at the sink because somehow there are always dishes, and I can never complete all of them. Even if there are only 3 dishes to begin with! As soon as my gloves (yes I wear rubber gloves when I clean. I can’t stand dry hands!) go on it’s like an invitation for each of my kids (and any of the other kiddos that may be at our house at any given point.) to need something! One minute everyone is playing happily, and suddenly someone is crying, someone else needs help in the bathroom, another one is “starving” and I end up rushing around putting someone in time out, icing a booboo, wiping a butt, and fixing a snack. How can I finish anything EVER? The same goes for the laundry, which is often left until James gets home, not because I meant to, I just couldn’t put it all away with all of the interruptions. Especially considering I can be forgetful. If I do not see the laundry basket… There is no laundry. Until I walk into the room that as the basket, then I probably have forgotten why I went into the room, thus interrupting myself to fold clothes. It is a never ending cycle. It takes me all day to get the house in order because it’s nearly impossible to implement a system when you have kids!
By the time James gets home I tend to be frazzled, annoyed, overwhelmed or exhausted. For the record, I think men have a hard time understanding this: just because I am annoyed about something, it doesn’t mean I am unhappy. In fact I am very happy. I just really show my emotions constantly because when I am lying I get uncomfortable and bitter. The only way to keep me healthy mentally is honesty. It’s tough on men to hear negative things all of the time. I know with James, he feels like it’s his job to fix it, and it isn’t. There will always be irritations, without them I would not appreciate the quiet moments after the kids go to bed. Working out and eating before I am starving REALLY help keep my mood swings to a minimum. About the time James comes home I am out the door to work out. It’s really the only time I can make it work, someone needs to watch the kids. After my workout, I shower and either start dinner if James hasn’t and then I sit down to write and work. At this point it is 7pm or later and it’s the first time I have sat down all day. It’s not relax time, either, it’s work.
I also have a few play dates a week. Those are days that cleaning does not happen as much, so I try to pack all the major cleaning into Monday’s and Friday’s. Weekends can be just as crazy. The kids do tend to go to grandparents on weekends, but regardless, I have to work weekends. I will spend the better part of one day at my aunts ranch filing papers, opening mail, organizing receipts, and doing taxes. Weekends also happen to be when my family and friends want to hang out, and to be completely honest, as much as I love them, I do not want to go anywhere or do anything. I cannot remember what it was like to be bored, to have nothing to do. There is always something to do! There is somewhere to go, something to clean, kids to spend time with, food to make, the episode of Weeds that I missed, a phone call I missed, 25 emails to respond to, and in the event that everything is taken care of, it’s hopefully time to actually hang out with my fiance. I used to read. I love books, and I managed to read 2 books in the passed 5 months. One was The Wolf Gift by Anne Rice. She is my favorite author, and I had been waiting so long. The other was because I was recovering from getting my tubes tied, and had time since I was so sore and could not do a whole lot of anything else.
School started for Jenna and L.J. today. Now I get to adjust to the new schedule, and make it work. So far it seems easier, I was able to very quickly pick up the house and there are no dishes in the sink! Whoever said being a Stay At Home Mom was easy??? It does seem like a lot, and in reality it is a lot. When I just had one baby I never got anything done because I could quickly clean up during her nap, or at bedtime. And then there were 3, and nothing was quick. I have been told that I am an overachiever when it comes to the kids, the healthy lifestyle, the house, the job… But I feel like even though I do so much, there is still so much I have yet to do. There are always changes to make, lately more so with parenting. So, yes, I TRY to “over achieve”, I want to be the best for these kids, and for myself. Isn’t that life? You learn, change and grow? Well I’m ever learning, ever changing and ever growing.